


S.O.W.

by Elly_dk



Series: S.O.W. [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anonymity, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Epistolary, Falling In Love, HP: EWE, Leo - Freeform, Letters, M/M, Neville longbottom (mentioned) - Freeform, Pen Pals, Post-War, Pseudonyms, Secret Identity, Writing, icarus - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-08 22:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 51
Words: 8,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13467555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elly_dk/pseuds/Elly_dk
Summary: Survivors Of War AnonymousTo all witches and wizards who experienced trauma, loss or other horrors during The Second Wizarding War of Great Britain, we at S.O.W. are proud to present our new anonymous service.A collection of letters to and from Harry.





	1. Welcome to S.O.W.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone  
> This is a collection of letters, only letters. I have no idea how long it will be, I just started writing it and couldn't stop. All chapters (other than this first one) will be one letter, so some will be very short, some longer.  
> I hope you'll enjoy and give some feedback, if you feel like it.
> 
> /Elly

The Daily Prophet – July 15th 1999

Survivors Of War Anonymous 

To all witches and wizards who experienced trauma, loss or other horrors during The Second Wizarding War of Great Britain, we at S.O.W. are proud to present our new anonymous service. Write to us with your chosen pseudonym, a short description of yourself and any information that you deem noteworthy in finding you a suitable pen pal. We will then match you, to the best of our abilities, with another Survivor. How much or how little information you provide is at your own discretion, but remember, the more we know about you, the easier it is to find a match.  
Remember to cast an Identification Charm, so that our post owls will be able to find you under your pseudonym.

We look forward to hearing from you

Kind regards  
Hermione Granger  
Founder of S.O.W.

*************************************************************************************

Hi Hermione

Fine, just sign me up already.  
Do I need to send a formal letter to you with all the info and codenames?

Harry

**************************************************************************************

Dear Harry

I am glad. I am sure you will not regret it. I will take care of everything for you, don’t worry. Just promise me you will really try to connect. I know it has been hard for you to open up about the war. And it is not a codename Harry, it’s a pseudonym. Do you have a preference? 

Love, Hermione

***************************************************************************************

Hi Hermione

Sure sounds like a codename to me. Maybe Scarhead? Or KillerOfVoldemort? It’s not like it’s not going to be obvious who I am anyway. I don’t know. Maybe this was a bad idea. Is Ron doing it?

Harry

***************************************************************************************

Dear Harry

It’s called S.O.W. Anonymous for a reason, I can’t tell you who else is doing it. I will sign you up. Do not back out now, this will be so good for you. I already got a letter from someone that I think would be perfect for you. Just try, it is not healthy to handle it all on you own.  
You will receive a letter with the pseudonym of the person you are matched with in a week. I chose “Leo” for you; remember to do the Identification Charm.

Come over to the flat this Sunday. Ron says there is some important Canons game on.

Love, Hermione

***************************************************************************************

Dear Leo

We are pleased to inform you that we have found a match for you for the S.O.W. Anonymous program. If you for any reason decide not to continue your correspondence at any point please inform us, that way we can help you both find new matches. 

Your contacts pseudonym is “Icarus”.

Best wishes  
S.O.W. Anonymous

***************************************************************************************


	2. Chapter 2

Harry

Have you written to “Icarus” yet?

Hermione


	3. Chapter 3

Hermione

What, no “Dear Harry”, no “I love you”?  
No, I haven’t written yet. Do you know who it is? Is it you?

It’s not like I have received a letter, you know.

Harry


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Harry

Of course, it is not me that would be completely unethical. I am not even getting a pen pal, which is the downside to being the one who developed the system, people would think I cheated, it would seem less than legitimate. 

I do not know who it is. Just write ok. Promise me you will try. I have not told Ron that you signed up, I haven’t told anyone. I actually made a false letter from you to S.O.W., so everything is in order. You are completely anonymous; no one is trying to dupe you. 

Are you coming over again soon? We miss you.

Love, Hermione


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Icarus

I guess you know that I am “Leo”, unless you use codenames in all you correspondence?  
I’ve been on the fence about writing, I’m not sure how this is supposed to go to be honest. Hopefully you are a little more experienced with opening up to total strangers than me. 

Well, this is me trying at least.

Sincerely Leo


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Leo

I confess I have been doubtful about this endeavour as well. I am still not completely convinced that this will be beneficial to me, or you for that matter. I am, however, willing to consider this a trial period if you would be amicable? If you are, I propose we commit to sending three letters each, following this one, each letter will contain three questions that we will both try to answers truthfully. If, at the end of this trial, we do not both feel comfortable with the exchange, we can put an end to this with no bad blood between us.

If you find this arrangement agreeable you can answer the following questions at your own discretion.  
\- Why did you decide to sign up for S.O.W. anonymous?  
\- What is your primary concern about signing up?  
\- What do you hope to gain from this correspondence?

Kind regards  
Icarus


	7. Chapter 7

Hi Hermione

I did it, I wrote the world’s crappiest letter and got an answer. This guy sounds a little stiff, are you sure it’s a good match? What did his application say? Let me guess – you can’t tell me? Well, I’m going to try ok, just don’t bite my head of, if it doesn’t work for me.  
But hey, I’m at least sure it’s not Ron now, no way that letter was from him. I still kind of thought you’d stick us together.

I’ll come by next week, ok?

Harry


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Icarus

That actually sounds like a brilliant idea. I was having trouble with trying to write to a stranger about my day or whatever, but this seems a bit more straightforward. Answering questions, I can do that.  
So, first question, why did I sign up? Well to be honest, my friend did it for me. I did agree, but I don’t think I would have done it on my own. I know it’s good to talk to people about what happened, but I find it easier to just do it over a cold beer or something. I think my friend signed me up, because we don’t really talk about the war much at all anymore and it still has its hooks in me, more so than a lot of people I know. So that’s why I agreed when she told me she’d done it.

My concern about signing up is, well now I really have to think about it, because my first answer would normally be; “because it’s stupid, and I don’t need to talk”. But if I am honest with you, and myself, I guess I’m afraid that I’ll be discovered. That you are someone I know or someone, who wants something from me. Does that make sense at all? Well it’s the most honest answer I can give at the moment, maybe there is more to it, but if that’s the case I haven’t figured out what yet.  
As for your last question, I’m not actually sure I hope to gain much yet. I hope I’ll be of use to you. That I’ll be able to help. Maybe what I hope for more than anything else is that I’ll be surprised. I already kind of am. I don’t think I’ve written a letter this long in my life, so something must be working, right?

Ok, my turn.

I really had to think about it; what do I want to know, what do I want you to answer? If you find that this letter was a long time coming, it might be because I have been looking at it for two days trying to figure out what to ask. I guess this whole thing is about honesty, so I’ll try to ask you what I’ve honestly been wondering about.

\- How old are you, just a rough estimate maybe?  
\- Why did you sign up?  
\- Do you sound as posh as your letter in real life?

I hope I didn’t make you wait too long  
Leo


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Leo

Well, I was wondering whether you had decided not to engage in conversation with me after all, but I am pleased to receive your letter. I find your answers intriguing – do people want many things from you? It seems an odd thing to worry about, though I suppose people have always wanted money from my family, but I have not experienced it as a demand on me personally. You can regard this enquiry as my first question for you this time around. 

The war has its hooks in me as well, I must confess. I find it exceedingly difficult to put the past behind me. I guess that is why I signed up, to address one of your questions, and the one with the most complex answer. I have many reasons for signing up. I struggle to explain the situation that I am in, without going in to specifics, which I would rather not, at this point. The crux of my situation is, that I find myself without people around me, with whom I feel comfortable sharing my experiences with. I have hope, that this way, pen to paper, no preconceived notions about each other, will make it easier to open up, if we succeed in forming a valuable connection of cause. 

Thus far, I am pleasantly surprised. 

Posh? I guess I regard this as a more formal exchange; I consider my privacy one of my most valued possessions. 

You did make me think about the way I approach this exchange with you. If I am not willing to let my guard down, it will be difficult for us, to get to know each other and thereby assessing whether or not we can help each other cope with the war. I promise I will try to be more personable in my next letter. I can start by doing as you have done, and be honest about what makes me curious about you.  
Therefor I will ask; what is the one thing, which you have wanted to talk to your loved ones about, that you have not been able to? 

I am around twenty years old, give or take a few years. You?

Looking forward to your next letter  
Icarus


	10. Chapter 10

Hi Icarus

Really? You’re around twenty, that’s me as well. We must have been at Hogwarts at the same time, at least some years. I was sure you were older than I was, well you might still be, but you know, maybe forty. I wonder if I would recognize you. To be honest I never really paid much attention to people not in my year, so probably not. I’ve always been a little wrapped up in my own head, I guess.

Wow, I didn’t come of great there, did I? Well honesty is the aim here, so let’s just say; I don’t judge you, you don’t judge me?

People have always wanted things from me. Expected things of me. I have always just wanted to blend in, just be me, without the pressure of a name, of what I was supposed to do with my life. It’s worse after the war in some ways. Sometimes I just want to fuck off, leave everything behind and go live on a cliff somewhere. The thing is, everyone lost someone, everyone hurts, the whole wizarding world hurts. No one won. The noseless fucker might have lost, but no one really won. Sometimes I sit somewhere, at a dinner, at my friend’s house, and I just count. I go round the table, look at everyone, and count the losses. Damn that’s morbid. And then someone looks at me, and they want me to make them feel better. They want me to represent something, hope, new beginnings. It drives me nuts.

I really have to think about your last question, for one, I’m not even really sure, who I would name as ‘my loved ones’ – my friends maybe, I don’t know. If it were my friends, I guess I sometimes wish, that I’d be better at talking about my love life. That seems a stupid thing to worry about maybe, in light of the war and all the crap I went through there. The thing is, they know all about that. We could talk about it if I wanted to, but I think I need to talk to someone (you?) that weren’t right there with me all the time. So yeah, my love life I guess, or lack of really. I have always wanted a family, a big family, to be a dad and raise kids and wave after the train, when they start Hogwarts. Worry that they won’t be sorted in to Gryffindor, but kind of hoping that they won’t. Letting them find their own path and supporting them no matter what.  
I just don’t think, that that is in the cards for me. I thought it would be, for a long time, but now I just… don’t know.

Well, that was a bit heavy, I thought about throwing this letter out and write a new one, but in the spirit of honesty between strangers, I will let it be what it is.

Now for your questions:  
\- What is your biggest regret?  
\- Do you want/have a family?  
\- What was your house at Hogwarts? (Ravenclaw?) 

I am really warming up to this, I think.  
Leo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all the letters you get for now, I have a couple more ready, so I'll try to post again tomorrow.
> 
> /Elly


	11. Chapter 11

Hey Harry

I am writing a load of rubbish to you now, because Hermione have been on my ass, for not writing enough to my pen pall. Don’t tell her, but I didn’t actually sign up at all. So I have to write to someone soon, or she’ll catch on. Why did I have to have such a perceptive girlfriend. 

See, I don’t even know what to write to you, and you’re my best mate. Are you going to that ministry thing next week? Do we have to dress up? Well at least I can afford decent robes now. Hermione is making me go, please come as well. I could set you up with Sandra, she thinks you’re cute, you know the new store clerk at the shop?

Ok, this has to be enough writing.

Please write me back, but don’t use Samson, Hermione will recognise him, just send it with owl-post yeah? 

Ron


	12. Chapter 12

Ron

I’m not writing completely unnecessary letters to you forever, just because you don’t have the balls to stand up to Hermione.

And don’t set me up with Sandra.

I’ll see you at the ministry thing. Tell your girlfriend the truth, git.

Harry


	13. Chapter 13

Dear Leo  
No judgement? That sounds oddly refreshing, I would like that.   
I was in Slytherin, so as you can imagine, judgement often comes with the territory both from within and without. 

I have to confess, that I read you latest letter many times. I am quite intrigued. Do you not have any family? Did you lose them all in the war? Why is a family of your own not in the cards for you?  
That was already three questions from me. Now on to answering the ones you posed. 

As I said, my house was Slytherin. I actually debated, whether to divulge that information, but you see; I figured you would assume Slytherin, if I did not put forth the information of my own accord, so hats off to a very Slytherin move to you dear Gryffindor. 

To be frank, I’m not sure if I want a family. I think in the right circumstances, I’d love to have a child of my own, though the picture you paint, of a happy send off to Hogwarts, is not something I myself have had. Family has always represented obligations to me. But I think, if I could have a family without all the pressure, I would do it in a heartbeat. I am just not sure, that will be possible. My mother has actually tried to arrange a marriage for me. How archaic.

My biggest regret – I will answer it vaguely now, maybe when we know each other more intimately, I will explain it in detail, I hope you understand. I deeply regret, that it took a war for me to realise, that my father is an utter asshole.

I hope this letter finds you well

Icarus

 

And by the way – ‘Noseless fucker’! Thank you for that, it made me spit out my tea, my mother thought I was having a fit. Not dignified at all, I might add.


	14. Chapter 14

Hi Icarus  
So this is my final letter in our trial period. Does that mean I have to ask all the questions I have now?  
I think I’ll just write, and hope that you don’t end your next letter with goodbye. 

I like the image of you spitting out your tea in front of your mother, it makes me wonder what you look like. You’re a bloke right? It just occurred to me that I’ve never asked. So that’s one question for you right there. To spare you the question, I am indeed a man myself – is it weird that I still find it hard to think of myself as a man and not a boy? 

You ask about my family, and I think I’ll do the same as you for now and be really vague about it, my family is dead and the ones that aren’t, are not worth mentioning. If you want to keep writing after this, I promise I’ll be more open about it. But believe me, it’s a long story with a very sucky ending, so only ask if you want a seven volume novel. But yes, I lost them in the wars. 

About wanting my own family, I’m not exactly sure how the adoption process works in the wizarding world, but that’s the only way it is going to work for me. I had a girlfriend after the war, but more than anything, it was the closeness and the expectations from the outside world, that made me try the ‘conventional relationship’ route. I have since then figured out that I work a lot better with people of my own gender. It’s not that I didn’t love my girlfriend or that we didn’t connect, something was just missing and I’ve been closer to finding it, when I’ve dated men, but still no luck. So on top of that very personal rant to someone who might not even want to talk to me anymore, I’ll say, that I don’t expect to ever love a woman enough to get married and have kids with her, but who knows?

Arranged marriage and Slytherin? I’m smelling old school pureblood? That’s kind of exiting, I’ve never really talked a lot to people in those circles before. That world seems so strange to me. I get the feeling that you don’t want an arranged marriage, but what is your ideal then? How would you like to build a family? I have always wondered what purebloods do for school before Hogwarts, what did you do? Sorry, I’m just very curious. My dad was a pureblood I think, but I never got to know him.

How many questions was that?

Well the quaffle is in your hands now, I really hope you’ll want to keep writing, maybe we’ll even get around to talking about the war, I feel like we both dance around it some? 

Leo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more for you today, because I was so happy to have a couple of comments! Yay. I might post a couple again tonight.
> 
> /Elly


	15. Chapter 15

Harry, you tosser!

Did you tell Hermione anything yesterday? She seems suspicious?

I really should just tell her. 

By the way, she told me you haven’t said yes to any of the dates she’s tried to set you up with, is it because of that disaster with Fanny, that was ages ago. Just try one. Sandra is really nice. You can’t go stag to a ministry party, the vultures will be all over you. I’ll come over before the party and we’ll down some liquid courage and then we’ll meet up with Sandra. 

Ok? 

Good! 

I’m setting it up. See you Friday.

Ron


	16. Chapter 16

Ron

No, I didn’t. Yes you really should just get your act together and tell her. Did you already ask Sandra, you totally did. Damn it Ron, I hate being set up, that’s what I told Hermione yesterday as well. She asked when we had talked about it, she knows I’m swamped at training, and when I kind of stuttered out a weak answer, she got a very Hermione look about her. So I guess she figured it out herself. It’s not like you or I are masters of deception, you know.

I’ll go to the thing with Sandra, if you promise me, that this is the last time. For real this time.

Wanker.

See you tomorrow.

Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find myself spending way to much time thinking of this fic, which results in lots of posts. I have a Draco/Icarus letter coming soon as well.  
> Thanks for kudos and comments.
> 
> Love  
> /Elly


	17. Chapter 17

Dear Leo

I find myself struggling with this letter. 

I want to answer all of you questions. 

I want to tell you about pureblood traditions. 

I want to open up about the war. 

But you see, herein lies my dilemma. I have a confession, a two-part confession. The first is the easiest; I am scared. I am terrified of opening up and being rejected for who I am. No, who I was. I have taken great strides towards seeing the error of my way, but I would be lying if I told you that I was completely there. My battle is ongoing and never ending. I battle with the ghost of my father’s influence on me. 

The second admission is much more damaging and the real reason why Survivors Of War Anonymous was the only option I could fathom, which would allow me to start anew and not be seen for who I was. Before the war tore us all apart. You wrote to me in one of your letters that there were no winners. As a part of the losing side, however reluctantly towards the end, I tend to disagree. The whole of the wizarding world won the day Harry Potter killed that bastard.

I understand if you wish to withdraw your offer of continuing this, until now, pleasant correspondence. It will be a tremendous loss for myself, but I will bear you no ill will if that is your reaction to this.

All the best

Icarus


	18. Chapter 18

Icarus

Did you kill anyone?

Leo


	19. Chapter 19

Dear Leo

Never.

Icarus


	20. Chapter 20

Hi Icarus

Ok. I’ll just come out and say it, I talked to a friend about it.   
The same friend that signed me up for this in the first place. I know it’s supposed to be anonymous, but I’ve been really torn about what to do. I really like writing with you. I love the way I can be honest with you about stuff I’ve never been able to talk about like this before. I didn’t tell her any specifics, I just told her that your trauma came from being on the other side of things. 

She told me, that if it was too hard, she could help me find someone else to write with, she would contact S.O.W. again, no harm done. That’s kind of what you said too.

But you see, the thing is, I can’t write with anyone else. Well maybe I could, but I just don’t want to. So let’s try? If you still want to?

I did promise no judgement, and here I am, judging, which I have no right to. I’ve done some shitty things in my life, I’ll fill you in soon enough if I didn’t fuck this up.

I just thought about something, this was actually a very Gryffindor move of you. Just throw it all out there, hope for the best. It took some balls to tell me this. I can appreciate that.

So, I hope you’ll write me again; answer some of my questions about purebloods? I’ve also been wondering; what it was exactly that made you start to change your mind. Was it even one thing?

Leo


	21. Chapter 21

Dear Leo

I have begun this letter seven times now. No matter how I try to formulate a response, I come off like a gushing schoolgirl. Therefore, I have decided that my dignity is shot anyhow; here it goes.

Thank you, I cannot begin to describe how much this means to me. I hope we can continue from where we left off? 

I do indeed come from an old pureblood family, but you are right in assuming that I am not particularly interested in an arranged marriage. I do not have your tolerance for the female anatomy - so that is a firm no, which my mother seems to ignore. Just this Friday, she proceeded to invite the latest ‘promising lady’ over to lunch with us. It was the most excruciating two hours I have spent in a long while. Do not get me wrong, she was quite appropriate. She crossed her legs at the ankles, did not raise her voice once, slouch or chew with her mouth open. But she might have been the dullest person in Wizarding Britain. 

Your dad was a pureblood, but you are not? So your mother was a muggle? Muggleborn? How was that? Did you live with her growing up? I get the feeling that your father has not been in the picture?

Truthfully, I am not sure when exactly I started to change my mind. I suppose it was many small things. I began questioning the doctrine of my upbringing as I got older.  
At Hogwarts, it is difficult not to notice that excelling in magic has very little to do with blood status. It used to make me resentful, I wanted to believe that gifted muggleborn students did not deserve their gift.  
The older I got, the harder it became to believe the lies I had been fed all my life, I had been sucked in so completely, that I could not envision a possible way out. 

How was your weekend?

Icarus


	22. Chapter 22

Hello Harry

Thank you so much for a wonderful time Friday, I really, really enjoyed myself. Would you be up for a more private repeat? You could come by WWW and take me out for coffee? 

Yours  
Sandra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three letters for you guys now, because you are awesome! Also; I am going away for the weekend and I'm not sure when I'll be able to post while I'm there. I'll try to get at least one letter up a day though.
> 
> Love   
> Elly


	23. Chapter 23

Hi Icarus

Was that you gushing? That was a pathetic attempt at gushing. I promise you; no dignity was lost.

My weekend? Well, I was at a big to do at The Ministry, which I hate. I really hate those parties. I know I’m supposed to smile and shake hands and mingle, but the clothes are stiff and the conversation is stale. I had a date too, my friend set me up with a co-worker. She’s just written me to make another date and I just want to shout at her. Did she honestly have a good time? I hardly said two words to her, but she got to talk to a lot of interesting people that wasn’t me, I guess that’s why she enjoyed it. I hate to be used as a ticket to parties and crap like that. I hate to go to them myself and the least I would want from a date, is a chance to sneak off somewhere and get my mind off it all. Or make fun of it. 

You should have seen my boss, he’s this big guy with too small a head for his large body. He’s not really fat, it’s not that, he’s just weirdly proportioned. Well, he was talking to a woman from the French embassy, I forget her name, and he kept nodding his tiny head every time she said something and looking down her shirt every time his chin hit his chest. I wanted to laugh at it with someone, but I tried to say something to my date (first attempt at small talk) and she just looked like she was really offended.

I guess you weren’t at the party? I found myself looking for you, wondering if someone there was you. 

Both my parents died in The First Wizarding War, so I’ve lived with relatives my whole life, I’m not close with them at all. My mother was a muggleborn witch, but truth be told; the only thing I really got from my parents were my looks and my name. The rest, I guess, is more like guesswork. Wishful thinking maybe. They never seemed real to me, my parents. They were a dream.  
I often wonder what my life would have been like, if I had grown up with my parents. 

The most important thing is that you are trying to change your views, right? We can’t do much about who raises us, but we can sure as hell make sure, that we are better people than they were.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Leo


	24. Chapter 24

Harry

PLEASE, please write back to Sandra, she’s driving me barmy. 

Why hasn’t Harry written yet?  
Doesn’t Harry like me?  
Should I dye my hair red?

Seriously mate, what did you do to the girl? Just let her down easy, ok? I have to work with her.  
Shut up. I know what you’re gonna say. It’s my own bloody fault for setting you up with her. I promise, no more.

Ron


	25. Chapter 25

Ron

Stop pretending I’m you secret pen pal, you’ve never written me this much before, I know what you are doing. Otherwise I’ll have to give you a codename – GreatGingerGit? Or just GiGi, that’s pretty. Mine is FormerHurcrux7.

I’ll come by tomorrow and tell her I’m not interested ok?

Harry


	26. Chapter 26

Leo

Was I at the Heroes of War Ministry ball? No I believe my invite was dropped by a Confunded owl, pity.

Sorry, I suppose you are justified in thinking that I might attend, if only as a guest. Many people have put the war far enough behind them after all.

I have no inclination to go to a function like that, I must say. I am not sure I could handle that level of animosity. Like I said before, I am trying to do better, be better, but I am not certain that many people in those circles would look at me long enough to notice.

I apologies if I appear self-pitying or resentful, sometimes I miss those kind of gatherings – not the inane chit chat of ministry officials and wannabe celebrities. I miss the clothes, the wine, the dancing.  
From your letter, I deduce that you attended as an invited guest? 

Are you a hero Mr. Leo? 

I am increasingly surprised at your decision to keep communicating with me. Most of my encounters with The Heroes of War, however few and far between, have been unpleasant to say the least. I wonder; is it the shield of anonymity that enables us to come to an understanding? 

Icarus

And I must say – if I do not succeed in being a better person than my father, I give you permission to throw a killing curse my way, presuming you ever figure out who I am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter from the wonderful Icarus.
> 
> I am so blown away by your responses to this so far. I love the format myself, so I'm glad you guys approve. 
> 
> I hope you had an awesome weekend.
> 
> / Elly


	27. Chapter 27

Hi Icarus

One thing I have to be very clear about, if this letter-writing-business is going to work: Never apologies for sarcasm.

Have you ever actually tried to Confund an owl? 

If I ever figure out who you are, I’ll make sure to bring you to one of the stuffy parties. You can be my dancing-buffer; I will just push you into the arms of all the old witches with heavy jewellery. They always try to grab my butt. 

You’ve made me think a lot about how I act towards the people, who sided with snake-face. I assume you cannot sign up to S.O.W. from Azkaban, therefor you must have been cleared? Which means that the wizarding government thinks that you, and others like you, should get at second chance. I’m not sure I’ve actually given people a second chance. I’ve had a lot of anger and resentment towards everyone who didn’t stand against him, but I realise that not everyone walked the same path as I did. I think I’ll make it a promise to myself to try seeing everyone for who they are now and not what they did then.

I do reserve the right to hate every Death Eater in Azkaban with a passion. There are some fucked up people in there.

Am I a hero? I know you are kidding around, but it is a hard question for me to answer. I guess other people would say that I am – they do often enough. I don’t feel it. I did what I felt I had to. Not in a noble sort of ‘I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t help’- way, it was more a feeling of inevitability. 

What do you do for a living? I’ve been wondering.

Leo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are the best, almost 700 hits - crazy!


	28. Chapter 28

Icarus

I know we normally stick to writing one letter each, but I drank too much whiskey at my friend’s house, and I was thinking of a thing when I came home. The thing, that I had been thinking, well, ok, here is the thing. The thing is coming now. I know that you have been very honest with me, so I want to be honest with you. I want to tell you who I am. I can’t make myself come out and say it, well at least not in this drunken state. I have that much self control. So the thing that I wanted to ask is this; could we maybe make it a thing? Like, you made those rules at the start of these letters and now I was kind of hoping that we could make the reverse agreement. That was a really fucked up explanation. I just thought we could make it a game. I try to guess something about you and if I guess right, you have to tell me that I was right. And then I have to tell you the same. 

That was the thing. 

You can guess first. If you want to do this thing.

Have I written ‘thing’ a lot? I think I have.  
Sorry.

Leo


	29. Chapter 29

Harry Potter

We saw each other at Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes, I was standing at the table with the Wonky-Wacky-Willys. The look we shared spoke more than a thousand words ever could. 

I will wait for you at the Leaky Cauldron room 6 tomorrow between noon and midnight.   
I will treat you like the hero that you are.  
I will cover you in kisses

Wanda 

P.s. enclosed you’ll find the pair of underwear I’ll not be wearing tomorrow.


	30. Chapter 30

Leo

I will mostly ignore the last letter you sent me, I suspect you might not remember deciding to put pen to paper yesterday? However if you do indeed recall the content of the message I will agree to playing your guessing game. In the case that you do want to participate I will refrain from answering your question about my work – that would be cheating. 

You do not need to defend the vehement hatred of convicted Death Eaters to me. Speaking as someone who has known both Death Eaters, their children, their spouses and their pets I can assure you; no one wants to see them locked up more than me. 

I have read your letter back a couple of times now and I have been wondering about your comments regarding being a hero. Are you, as it would seem, a genuine hero turned Auror or perhaps an Auror in training? It occurred to me that you have not been boasting of accomplishments or heroic deeds done during the war. At first I thought this a-typical for the sort of people I normally associate with The Order of the Phoenix and their entourage, but I have apparently been guilty of the same sin as you, I too have judged the hippogriff by its feathers and not by its fur. As you must know Slytherin and Gryffindor has had strong ties to opposite sides of this awful war and I have associated all heroes with the Gryffindors I knew as an adolescent. I wonder if the people I knew back then are as changed as I am because of the war. I wonder if I, as you plan to do, should strive to meet old rivals anew. We do after all share the experience of going through war and loss and I suppose we all would like to put that behind us. I know I would.

In addition to your game of ‘guess who’ I suggest a second game or challenge, if you will. We each must approach a person we would customarily avoid speaking to. Afterwards we must rapport back to each other. 

Are you in? 

I almost forgot to add, that I would be more than happy to join you in the mockery of the more fortunate, should you ever solve the mystery of my identity. 

Icarus

One more thing; I tried to Confund this owl before he headed for your abode - it seemed to offend more than confuse.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all you wonderful people who are still following this story.  
> I am so happy to have reached more than 100 kudos that today I'll try to get you 4 chapters - yay!  
> You get one at a time, because I like to think that it reads more like a letter exhange when you don't get them all at once.
> 
> Love  
> /Elly

Icarus

I am in. What kind of Gryffindor would I be if I backed out now? I do feel a bit like a coward though. I remember the drunken and very embarrassing letter just fine, but I wish I had had the balls to write that to you without being dipped in beer and soaked in Firewhiskey. 

First off, yes I am an Auror in training. It’s damn hard an exhausting and sometimes I wonder why I would ever want to fight dark wizards and the like again. Sometimes I feel like it’s the only thing I’ll ever be really good at. And I did work damn hard to earn the NEWTs to get in to the program. I’ve never focused much on school, so when I finally decided that I wanted to get into the Auror programme I had to get my shit together. 

I’ll try to guess your occupation then. Maybe something bookish with a lot of research? I’m guessing a Ministry position is out? I’m not actually that familiar with career opportunities in the wizarding world. Could I get a little hint or is that cheating as well.

I’ll guess your age at 22.

I kind of laughed when I read that you thought I’d be boasting about my wartime accomplishments. People always assume that about me. It sometimes seems like I can say nothing at all and someone will still tell me that I look smug or that I think I’m above it all or whatever. I’m actually not that proud of a lot of the things I had to do. War is ugly from every angle.

Project talk to a Slytherin has started; I already found someone to approach. I work with him and he was in my year at Hogwarts. I never really talked to him, but I kind of hated him on principle since we started the program. How fucked up is that? I don’t even know if he participated in the war at all. 

I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

Leo


	32. Chapter 32

Dear Harry

I feel like I have not talked to you in too long. Can I ask how the correspondence is going with Icarus? Are you still talking?

I am sorry about setting you up all the time. I just want you to be happy. I worry about you being alone in that awful house. I worry that you bury yourself in work. 

Sometimes I miss the days when we the three of us were always together. Maybe I tend to push a little too hard because I want you to have what Ron and I have. 

Come over again soon or let us go out. You could bring someone of your own choosing. Honestly, I do not know what Ron was thinking setting you up with that airhead, at least the people I have found for you have some brains.

Love, Hermione


	33. Chapter 33

Hi Hermione

Well, it’s not exactly what’s between their ears that seems to give me trouble.

I’m still writing Icarus, it’s surprisingly great. I know I had issues with the fact that he fought for the bald dickhead and I know that you wanted me to find someone else to write. It turns out though that this might be just the thing I need. He pushes me to look at things differently. He makes me feel like it’s ok to have flaws and that I don’t need to hide them as much as I do. I don’t know how deeply he was involved in the war, but I know it must have been more than a little. He seemed so sure I would reject him because of it. I felt like such a shit for treating all the Slytherins badly, when he basically thanked me for only being a judgemental idiot for a little while. 

Because of Icarus I actually had a somewhat decent conversation with Zabini yesterday. I think I’ve treated him really unfairly – don’t worry, I can hear the ‘I told you so’ from all the way across London. And don’t roll your eyes at me!

I’ll come over when you’re home next time. How is your schedule? 

Harry


	34. Chapter 34

Leo

You are correct in regards to my job, it does involve a vast amount of research. I work for a small privately owned business and to be fair, I am not entirely sure anyone would be able to deduce which one. Your guess at the field of study?

My age is not quite on point either. I am younger than the twenty-two years you propose. I will make the assumption that you are twenty-one? Maybe even a year younger. We must have been at Hogwarts at the same time. It still astounds me that we might have lived in the same castle, walked by each other and eaten together in the great hall for several years without speaking a word to each other. If we did indeed converse at Hogwarts I cannot imagine it as anything but hostile. I was quite rude to strangers and especially Gryffindors back then. 

Did you play Quidditch? That is my next assumption about you. I will wait to guess at a position until you answer. 

I find myself wondering if we do indeed know each other, if only by name and face. Are you not worried that things will change between us once we cast away the masks we have created for ourselves here? The only thing I can do at this point is to assure you that I have been nothing but honest about my life, though I must confess there are still topics I have avoided. One is the death of my father. You know I abhor everything he stood for now, but there was a time in my life where he could do no wrong in my eyes. As much as I lash out at him in my letters, I strongly dislike it when other people put my family down.

There are no former rivals at my work therefor I had to go about fulfilling the assignment in a more covert manner. One of the Gryffindors in my year, who I treated poorly without cause I might add, sells some wares at the same store where I purchase my potion ingredients. Just yesterday, I bumped into him again. I usually limit my communication with him to a simple acknowledgement; a nod perhaps. This time I chose to initiate a conversation. Truthfully he looked at me like I was mad. Next time I see him I think I will throw in a complement just to mess with his head. He is actually quite dashing, though I would never have admitted that when we were in school. 

I actually have a close friend in Auror training, though it might not be in the same year as you. Are you in second term?

A Gryffindor who does not want to boast. What has the world come to?

I try to think back on all the encounters I have had with ‘boasting Gryffindors’ and I find myself pondering the possibility that I might have made exactly the mistake that you refer to. Maybe half the times I perceive someone as prideful or arrogant, they are actually just trying to shut the fuck up and be left alone. Curious. 

I hope this letter finds you well.

Icarus


	35. Chapter 35

Icarus

Before I answer your letter, I have to get something off my chest. My friends are driving me insane. They always try to set me up with one crazy witch after another and I just had it. So I kind of accidentally came out to them yesterday. I just kind of blurted it out and walked away.

The point is, now I am freaking out. I woke up this morning and freaked out. I don’t know why. It’s not like it’s that big of a deal right? 

Ok, I’m calming down. Just ran around the block.

Sorry for the word-vomit. 

I’m not quite 20 – are you 20? That means we could actually have been in the same year at Hogwarts. That’s kind of freaky. That means we must, as you suggest, have had a couple of pointed conversations. I’m trying to map out the Slytherins from my year and the year below. I don’t actually remember many from the year below. 

I did play Quidditch all through Hogwarts. I miss Quidditch like crazy. It was one of the few things that always made me happy no matter how fucked up everything else got.

Did you play for Slytherin?

I’m glad you made progress with our little ‘talk-to-a-rival’ – challenge. My assignment is going really well. I am getting together for beers with some of the other trainees this Friday after training and I asked ‘my Slytherin’ to come with us. He seemed pleasantly surprised, though a bit suspicious. I don’t blame him really, I’ve been such a judgemental arse.  
And yes, I am in second term – maybe it’s your friend I’ve approached there aren’t many Slytherins on our team. That would be some coincidence. 

Are you a potions researcher? It just occurred to me that you wrote about buying ingredients, so that might be it?

Ok, so this was kind of a weird letter. I think my mind is a bit jumbled up because of the whole gay-thing. I guess I’ll just have to deal with it. I just couldn’t stand it anymore. Fucking random woman sending me her underwear – that’s fucked up. 

I hope to hear from you soon. I really enjoy talking to you. I feel like I should be able to narrow down who you are soon. Do you have a feeling about me?

I’m getting nervous now.

Leo


	36. Chapter 36

Leo

Please tell me you are not Harry Fucking Potter?

Icarus


	37. Chapter 37

Icarus

I cant.

Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me...


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I am extremely excited to share the rest of this story with you guys and because you are all awesome, I will update every couple of hours or so. I think you’ll have the whole story by Saturday – yay!
> 
> Love  
> Elly

Dear Harry

Please open your Floo. We are worried about you.

Love Hermione (and Ron)


	39. Chapter 39

Dear Harry

What has happened? Is it Icarus?

If you will not open your Floo at least write, we want to know that you are ok.

Love Hermione


	40. Chapter 40

Hi Hermione and Ron

He found out who I am and now he wont talk to me. That’s it I guess. I can’t bloody well change the fact that I’m Harry Fucking Potter – as he so elegantly put it.

I’ve been thinking about writing him, asking who he is – I mean it’s only fair, right? But I think it’ll just hurt more. He knew I was a Gryffindor and a part of The Order, so it has to be the fact that it is actually me that he just finds repulsive.

Fuck.

Sorry I didn’t show up Friday, it’s been an awful weekend. I’ll be back to work tomorrow. That’ll help. Maybe.

I feel like I can’t breathe.

Love you guys.

Harry


	41. Chapter 41

Dear Harry

It sounds awful. I remember feeling something similar in sixth year you know, the whole Lavender debacle. It was horrible.

I think you should write him. You have no way of knowing why he reacted badly. It could be a lot of things. Do you remember what you told him in your last letter something in there must have made him aware of who you are. If we figure out what we might be able to deduce who he is. 

I will help you any way that I can but do not think it is because you are repulsive. You always blame yourself. There might be a different reason.

Love Hermione


	42. Chapter 42

Hi Hermione

I’ve tried to remember any important information. I told him that I had invited a Slytherin from training out for drinks with the rest of us Friday, he also knew roughly how old I am an that I played Quidditch at Hogwarts. I think that was the new information. 

If he doesn’t want to talk to me, I just really don’t want to push it. I know how it is to be on the receiving end of that - so no thanks.

Thank you for trying to help, but maybe it’s time to let sleeping dragons rest. It’s not even the same as you back then, I mean you were in love, you and Ron were supposed to be together. How can I be meant to be with someone I don’t even know, who actually runs away screaming at the sound of my name. HeWhoMustNotBeNamed – or wait, is that name taken?

I hate being Harry Fucking Potter.

Harry (Just Harry)


	43. Chapter 43

Dear Harry

That is it. You need to talk to Blaise Zabini. He must know who Icarus is. It makes sense – Icarus heard from Blaise that you had invited him out for once and then you told him in the letter.  
Talk to him. Icarus must be a Slytherin in our year, maybe a year below. 

You might want to consider how you will feel if Icarus is Malfoy, Nott or Goyle. If you feel any different towards him if that is the case, you probably should not open up the conversation again.

I hope you figure it out.

Come to dinner Thursday, we can talk.

Love, Hermione


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are the best!  
> The comments on this has been so wonderful. I can't believe it's almost done.   
> I hope you'll get the ending that you want.  
> I am looking forward to sharing the last chapters with you.
> 
> Love, Elly

Hermione

Icarus is not Goyle. He’s just not. I know him. It would fit with Nott or Malfoy though. I mean, I never really talked to Nott, but his dad was a Death Eater along with Lucius Malfoy. 

You know what, I don’t even care. I can’t just not talk to him anymore. I promised myself I would try to see people as they are now. He fucking promised me that as well. 

I think it might be Malfoy. Fuck.

I’ll talk to Blaise tomorrow.

Thursday is fine. Thanks for the support and sorry for the foul mood. 

Harry


	45. Chapter 45

Harry

I spoke to Blaise, I know you want to know who I am and I will tell you. It is only fair I suppose. I apologies for not completing our correspondence in a proper manner, however I am trying to remedy that now.

I have a difficult time believing that we will be able to continue as we were, considering our history. I am quite certain you will agree.

I am sorry it turned out this way.

Sincerely  
Draco Malfoy


	46. Chapter 46

Draco

Fuck you. Don’t pull that posh distant shit with me again. We are way beyond that - I don’t care what your name is. I got passed that, you told me about your father, you told me about your past. Do you really think that little of me? So what if you were a dick when we were sixteen. I was a dick to Blaise two weeks ago and he talks to me. 

Maybe it really isn’t about what I think. You would just rather see the version of me that you have always believed me to be, instead of believing everything I have told you over the course of our letters. I must have really misjudged you then. I thought Icarus was better than that.

Don’t get me wrong it’s really fucking weird for me too. I mean you are Draco Malfoy – but you are also the guy who makes me want to be a better person. The guy who makes me smile even when the rest of the wizarding world makes me want to fling myself off a cliff. That means a hell of a lot more to me than the fact that we hated each other when we were kids. 

I guess that’s all I have to say.

That - and I miss you.

Harry


	47. Chapter 47

Hi Hermione

Icarus is Draco Malfoy.

He hates me, so I guess this is it.

Harry


	48. Chapter 48

Dear Harry

You are being a bit dramatic. I am sure he does not hate you. He does not know you - that is all. 

Do you not care at all that it turned out to be Malfoy? Ron is throwing a fit right next to me. I thought your reaction would have been similar. It must have been a profound connection between the two of you.

I am sorry it did not work out for you. I do not think I have ever seen you so invested in someone before. 

Feel better.

Love, Hermione


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last three chapters coming up tonight!

Draco

I promise I’ll stop writing you after this letter. I just wanted to ask you one last thing. You see Hermione just wrote me something that made me think. She said you hate me because you don’t know me, but you do know me. That’s what pisses me off so much. You might be one of the only people who knows me. Just do me a favour and read the letters back if you didn’t burn them in a fit of Harry Potter hatred. You know me. 

And I know you too. 

Harry


	50. Chapter 50

Harry

I do not hate you. I have not hated you for a long time.

Now, open your fucking Floo.

Draco


	51. Chapter 51

Witch Weekly - September 2nd 1999

 

The students flocking to Kings Cross, was not the biggest news yesterday. Harry Potter was seen walking hand in hand with former Hogwarts rival Draco Malfoy.

Sorry ladies, seems like The Chosen One has finally chosen one.

\- For all the romantic snapshots of the happy couple's stroll down Diagon Alley see pages 7-9

**********************************************

_**The End** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much! 
> 
> It has been wonderful to write this, especially because of all the people leaving comments and kudos throughout this story.
> 
> And now it's done... Argh!
> 
> Love
> 
> Elly


End file.
